Lynn's post from the other day, my thoughts, and the comments from some other moron's that should eat less.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Stop Acting Like Eating Is Your Full Time Job
One of the things I had to learn, or un-learn, rather, as
I was losing weight and recovering from binge eating disorder was that food,
and eating, was not my full-time job.(WHEN DID THIS START ? SO FAR, 5 YEARS AND
40 POUNDS OFF, NOT A REASON TO THINK YOU ARE NOT A BINGE EATER) For a long time, I acted like it was. (YOU
STILL DO !) Food and eating was on my
brain not just 8 hours a day, but pretty much all my waking hours. I remember
well how that felt: waking up and my first thoughts being "what can I have
for breakfast? Is there any leftover pizza left?" I'd get up and get all
the kids to school and then spend the morning... not cleaning, decorating,
socializing or doing other stay-at-home-mom things... but eating. Baking, not
for the kids, but for me. Sure I'd make enough for them most of the time. But
I'd spend hours poring over cookbooks, food magazines and recipe websites trying
to find just the thing that would hit the spot. I'd go to the store and buy
ingredients and come home and bake, eat, bake. I'd make runs to McDonalds and
the donut shop, take a really long time grocery shopping and picking out binge
foods as well as dinner supplies, and stand staring at the bakery and deli
cases whenever I shopped. When I was not eating, I was thinking about eating. I
spent a lot of time waiting for my overfull stomach to empty just enough that I
could comfortably put more food in there. (YOU BLOG ABOUT FOOD THREE TIMES A
DAY, TALK ABOUT IT ONLINE, SLEEP 8 HOURS, WORK 8 HOURS, OBSESS 8 HOURS)
I am not proud of that time in my life. (STILL) But I am
no longer ashamed of it, either. I realize it was a disease... a disorder of
the mind and body that led to a food obsession and compulsive eating. It was, I
believe, caused by emotional overload... by post traumatic stress disorder,
perhaps. Triggered by such events as the loss of an unborn child, a very
difficult divorce, the traumatic death of my mother in my arms, poverty, and
the birth of a critically ill daughter who barely clung to life for weeks, I
ate. I ate to cope. I obsessed about food because it was easier than feeling
the worry, the pain, the reliving of those excruciating moments. It was a
distraction. It was my drug. I was a mother; I could not go out drinking or
getting high because I was all my children had. So I ate, because it is a
safer, more acceptable way to numb, to cope. No one loses their children
because they binged on pizza. So I binged. I binged and obsessed and ate like
it was my full time job. (AGAIN, 40 POUNDS IN 5 YEARS, NOT A LOT TO BE PROUD OF
THERE)
I had to unlearn it, even when I stopped the binge
eating. (HAVE YOU ?) Lingering in the space where the binge used to be was a
milder, yet persistent, obsession with food. It lingers still, when I am not
paying attention. I have to work to squelch it. (WHEN WILL THIS BEGIN) When I
am not looking, I can sometimes start to food obsess again when I am stressed
out. It is easier for the mind to attend to thoughts of cheese and crackers
than it is to deal with feelings of sadness or worry. But I am watchful. I
catch myself, sometimes, and refocus. I say to myself, "No, this is not
about a donut. This is about xyz." And then I work to figure out what, if
anything, I can do about the xyz situation. And if there is nothing I can do, I
just feel that, and try to be okay with it. And pray. (PRAYER, OKAY, HOW ABOUT
PRAY AND NOT EAT)
(IF SHE DOES NOT RECOMMEND SOMETHING, PLEASE FOLLOW THAT.
IF SHE SAYS NO, YOU SAY YES) THAT IS A DIET TO LIVE BY !!!
Instead, it is good to free our minds to our *real* jobs,
whether that be employment, motherhood, homemaking, or whatever else *you* have
decided your life will be about. Fitness and eating is a part of that, but on
the whole, I have found I am happier and a better mother and person when my
full time job is actually being the mother I always wanted to be, the dog
trainer I have longed to become, the writer I am so proud of, and the
compassionate friend I have always wished I had for myself. The dieting, the
eating, all of that is a part. Just a part, and not a full time job. (BUT YOU
HAVE NOT LOST THE WEIGHT, ARE STILL UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, AND STILL BLOG ABOUT IT)
ARE YOU KIDDING ANYONE ??
WELL YOU ARE, AS THESE ARE THE COMMENTS, FUNNIER THAN THE
POST !!
Karen said...
Amazing post, Lyn.
I had never thought about it that way but yes, I too had eating and food as a
full time job, even when I had a full time job. I still want to run there, to
food, to comfort myself, companion myself, or to numb myself. Like you, its the
one vice that we can indulge and not have to worry about going to jail. A daily
battle for me but one I am ready to fight now. Thank you for inspiring me and
helping look at my own relationship with food in a new way.
January 14, 2013 at
1:52 PM
Gwen said...
Excellent insights,
Lyn! Thank you for giving me food for thought! (pun I guess intended. LOL)
January 14, 2013 at
2:25 PM
Darcy Winters said...
I started feeling
that way the last time I did Weight Watchers. It became all about the points
and the kicker is --- I didn't lose the weight because I was so obsessed with
doing it perfectly. When THAT didn't happen - I would throw in the towel for
the day and try the next day...only to fail again. It's easier to just find a
routine that works and then quit thinking about it.
January 14, 2013 at
2:53 PM
Lori said...
Great analogy. I
know when I first started really dropping the weight, I was not obessing about
every meal. My meals were planned. I couldn't figure out where all this extra
time was coming from at first. I finally realized I wasn't thinking about food,
grocery shopping, meal planning, the next dessert I was going to make, etc. It
was quite freeing to have that realization and the time to spend in a more
productive manner.
Lori
January 14, 2013 at
3:23 PM
Traveling Light said...
You know, I didn't
have the food obsession you describe in the first paragraph of this post. At
least not until I dieted. (Of course, I didn't binge until I dieted, either.)
It was that
obsession r/t weighing and counting and, well, obsessing, that I so often
rebelled against--and wrote frequent posts about during the diet process. I
just knew that food obsession was food obsession whether in the realm of losing
weight or gaining it.
As a compulsive
over-eater, it was way too easy for me to lapse into obsession, while thinking
that you're doing a GOOD thing. This post was a
great warning.
Deb
January 14, 2013 at
3:45 PM
Jennifer said...
This could be one
of my favorite posts from you. So real and I can definitely relate. I regained
ALL my weight plus some and I am working to get it off. What you just posted is
some of the realizations I have just come to terms with recently. Thanks for
making me feel not alone.
Jennifer
www.wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com
January 14, 2013 at
4:01 PM
Anonymous said...
What an amazing
post. I have an *actual* full-time job, but your post made me realize that
eating is my real full-time job, because it's always "on" in the
background. Thinking about when it is lunch, and whether I should have
chocolate in the afternoon, etc, etc. I can't wait to quit eating!!!;-)
January 14, 2013 at
5:09 PM
Sara™ said...
This is SO true,
you described me to a "T" It took really looking hard at my eating habits
and getting on a eating makeover plan like Medifast to recognize what an
obsession I have with food. Great insight!
January 14, 2013 at
7:04 PM
Anonymous said...
This has to be
about the truest, most profound thing I've read in a long, long time about the
horribleness of food obsession. You described me to a "t" - the
former me, I hope. Only I didn't have half the traumas you did. I just ate
because I was obsessed. Buying binge foods along with regular groceries.
Looking for that perfect thing that would "do it" for me. Eventually
nothing did, a very frustrating situation, although even that didn't prevent me
from obsessing.
Really great
writing, sweetie. Keep it up.
-KathyA
January 14, 2013 at
8:44 PM
MargieAnne said...
I am so aware that
diet and losing weight can be an obsession. It's so easy to put off social
possibilities because they mess with the eating plan. It's too easy to give up
on exercise or whatever your achilies heel is, because you cannot do it
perfectly.
One year I decided
there would be fewer distractions and I would Work at losing weight, treat it
like a job. It didn't quite work out that way but I did become somewhat
obsessive. Food and what I ate became my no 1 job and it didn't work for weight
loss.
Learning to Live
and keeping some balance is so important. Thanks for sharing your experience
and thoughts.
Blessings
January 14, 2013 at
8:56 PM
Desert Singer said...
ditto. Amazing
post. Yep... food is the running constant... work is stressful, have some
chocolate. People are mean... have some sugar. So overwhelmed that to even
begin to think about how to take the pressure off requires the mouth to be
moving...
always constant,
always there. Thanks Lyn.
January 14, 2013 at
9:41 PM
Samantha said...
Your post resonates
with me because I never thought about being obsessed with food. I always
thought that I was overweight because I just stopped exercising. While I may
not have had the cooking problem, mine was "Which restaurant for (lunch,
dinner, brunch, drinks, happy hour, to see the game, etc". I was obsessed
with going out and what new dish I wanted to try. I remember looking at the
menu at local pub. I saw something crazy outrageous and I said, "Wow,
that's an insane amount of calories. But I'm fat already, so why not?!" My
friends laughed and I ate and it was fabulous. And I would continue to go to a
different place for lunch, dinner, drinks, whatever.
I look back now and
I can't believe I was the person who bragged in grad school that I never cooked
and didn't even have a cabinet in the kitchen. I used to brag that I let my
roommate run the kitchen while I handled all of the cleaning because I thought
it made me amazing to have a lifestyle that let me go out and enjoy food at
every opportunity. But reading your blog seriously just made me realized I was
obsessed with the lifestyle of "going out" rather than taking care of
myself.
I'm nervous though.
I'm just starting Medifast and I've realized that I will sit and think to
myself, "I'm hungry...when is my next meal? What will I have?" It
wasn't until I read your post that I realized obsessing over food and it's
place in my schedule is just as bad on a diet as it was when I was the girl
known for choosing the best restaurants all across town.
Thank you for
sharing your insights.
January 15, 2013 at
11:34 AM
Tina said...
Wow great post.
It's hard to imagine not obsessing about food which I feel will come for me. I
do worry about trading one obsession for the other which happens so often with
people who lose a large amount of weight or give up alcohol or cigarettes.
Anything addictive really. All I want is peace and the freedom to be who I want
to be!
January 15, 2013 at
12:38 PM
Anonymous said...
Fantastic post!
Isn't it funny how we influence each other on Blogland...? You must have been
reading Diane @ "Fit to the Finish" Blog because she wrote a very
similar post in November 2012. Her blog is very inspiring, don't you think?
January 15, 2013 at
9:48 PM
Lyn said...
Anonymous~
I hadn't read that
post on Fit to the Finish but went over and looked for it just now. I am not
surprised that those of us who've struggled with disordered eating and food
obsession have similar experiences with it. I think that's why so many relate
to these topics, and why they do inspire. Hopefully we can all get to a place
that I described long ago... one that resonates with many... a place of LIFE in
the forefront, and food/diet in the background:
http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2011/05/change-in-perspective.html
January 15, 2013 at
10:15 PM
Anonymous said...
Interesting. I do
know that people dieting start to obsess at calories and food, per the famous
experiment, regardless of whether you obsessed abt food before. It seems to go
away after calorie restriction though. Dieting also results in a temporary
obsession with overhauling my normal food plans, where day by day or week by
week I replace my junky habits with new ones. It took years ultimately, to find
a good repertory of salads, soups, cooked veg, and later of high protein foods.
Now it's ingrained, and I don't need to spend a lot of time looking for new
recipes. I still read food blogs, cookbooks, and learn new recipes, with a
filter of looking for recipes that provide a high flavor to calorie ratio and
do so at a low preparation cost. But as often I will decide to learn how to
make a food I've bought or tried in a restaurant. Between looking at several
recipes, learning tips, trying ingredients cooking implements heat and cooking
time, the recipe might be tried 3-6 times before being judged as acceptable or
overly complicated. That process might take a week or a month or six months.
Which I think makes cooking a craft less than an obsession.
I love it when
fat people start bullshitting themselves, while eating a doughnut or something
that will eventually kill them. The Gestalt is awesome, but just eat less
people !!!
Today Lyn is on the hunt for new cookbooks. For when she's at goal and in maintenance. Which is never going to happen. But she is totally not food-obsessed or anything like that. Not at all.
ReplyDelete(Long time lurker here, first time commenting. This post really got me thinking/amped up.)
ReplyDeleteI have a really, really hard time believing that people get to be either obese or significantly overweight without binge eating. As the numbers go, it doesn't add up at all over time. You've pointed this out a lot, I know.
It would be nice for her if she honestly was 100% recovered from the binging but I just honestly doubt it. She might be binging less often or in smaller amounts of food but it is still BINGE EATING at its root. One does not get to be a certain size through eating modest portions. A COOKIE HERE AND THERE (MEANING SPARINGLY AND JUST ONE) WILL NOT GET YOU TO BE OBESE. Eating the entire pack of cookies once a week or more will get you there. Be real.
I've seen other popular weight loss bloggers deny that they have ever binged and stuff as well and it really irritates me. You did NOT get to be plus-sized (or VERY plus-sized) from eating 1 donut a week or 1 half cup of ice cream. People, just be honest with yourself and move forward. Denial just holds you back in the long run. Come on, you do not get to be over 200 pounds from dainty servings of sweets and the occasional slice of pizza. If that was the case, everyone who EVER indulges in a normal serving of "bad" foods would be overweight or obese. You are overdoing it, plain and simple, and you are overdoing it on a FREQUENT basis.
If being fat gets you all the love and attention you want, why would you lose the weight?? Slim people don't get that kind of attention,,,,hey, I know these are weight loss blogs but the point is - you stay where you get the most love, even if it's bad for you. This person may never lose the weight because she gets to much of what she needs from being obese,, but what do I know? I always feel guilty when I mouth off about people I don't even know - but there it is,,,
ReplyDeleteI love when you just say it. Stop bullshitting yourself. I don't even do that (anymore) but damn! Five years later only 50 lbs gone and you don't think there is a problem? If a doctor hasn't said, "it's actually his med or this growth or this whatever!" Then seriously be honest, it's clearly you!
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you Uncle Al!! :)
Although I am loathe to get into the fray, here I am. Since I was brought into it by Allan via my comment from Lyn's blog noted that I didn't binge until I began to diet seriously--and FE has chosen to dispute the veracity of that comment here--well, like I said, here I am.
ReplyDeleteI may be called many things and the name-caller would be justified, but I am not a liar. FE's inability to believe that people who weigh more than 200 pounds do not binge, does not mean that it is untrue. It may mean that---perish the thought--FE is ignorant to the meaning of the word "binge".
A binge, in as close to lay terms as I can get it, is the consumption of massive amounts of food (usually over 3500 calories) during a discrete period of time (usually a few hours)that is accompanied by a sense of franticness and anxiety. (For the exact wording and accurate details, please consult the DSM IV)
Even if one chooses to use a nonclinical definition, eating more than one should is not bingeing. Eating more than moderate-sized servings is not bingeing. That would be overeating. There is a distinct difference. (Both Allan and I could spell out what a binge is as far as consumption goes, but I'll spare you. Allan has documented binges on his blog in the past. And did a fine job of it, too.)
While FE is right in stating that one can not maintain over 200 pounds by consistently eating moderate or dainty portions, one can easily get over 200 pounds by the leisurely eating of ice cream and chocolate every night after dinner, without bingeing. Which is how I maintained my obesity.
I did not--and I mean I did not--binge until after I began to diet seriously. And, then, about once a week or so, I had a full out, clinically defined, binge. Or two. Which is how I gained 30 of the pounds back that I had lost in 2010.
Bingeing is a hideous, emotion-laden, out of the ordinary, eating event. Overeating is very different. Before anyone chooses to discuss, blame, or hurl recriminations, it would be wise, I think, to know what you are talking about.
FE, if you would like to discuss this, please feel free to visit my blog. I will not do a back and forth here.
Deb
P.S. Allan, please excuse typos if they're here. It's a bad vision day. Just assume I'm literate.
Deb-Uh, ok, just hold on a second. You aren't the only blogger in the world that has said anything about binging or lack of binging in regards to your weight loss so anything I said wasn't solely directed at you. I was talking about bloggers trying to lose weight in general, as a community. Or at least many of them. If you KNOW you've never binged, or at least hadn't previously, then ok? That's fine. I do believe a lot of overweight people binge though, and especially women-There is a real tendency to eat secretively and feel shame in front of family members etc.
ReplyDeleteYou're kind of right in a way, I did overgeneralize with the word "binge." It is a very subjective thing, as well as overeating. While not every overweight person is necessarily doing the really intense binges that are like 10,000 calories, I really do believe they are in the least overeating to a pretty good level. I guess I should of clarified that but like I said, what is considered a binge is pretty subjective. On any literature I've read on this topic (and I've read a good deal) I've never really seen a concise calorie amount that is the limit or anything. Generally it seems to be several thousand calories at a minimum.
When you're eating really calorie-dense foods, and trying to keep a lot of this eating secretive, it is so easy to eat over 2,000 calories, and fast. Things like sweets such as Hostess products and full-fat ice cream are so high in calories, and the serving size so small, it definitely seems doable to eat huge amounts without thinking twice about it.
So ok, not every overweight/obese person is "binging" but it seems highly likely they are over-eating and not just over-eating in, say, maybe 200 extra calories a day. More like 1,000 extra calories or more. Again, it's so easy for people when they are overweight and not used to counting calories to way underestimate what they are eating. I'm sure I did it in the past. You just kind of assume there's no way you just had 2,000 calories worth of something in a sitting....but it happened.
I also think the line between overeating and binging can be very, very thin and especially once a person is pretty seriously overeating. At that point I'd assume the person would have some weight issues and the general feelings going along with eating wouldn't be so great, especially when eating very obvious "bad" foods. At a certain point I'd think one would feel shame and maybe try to hide some of the things they're eating.
Also, to binge doesn't have to be QUITE to the extent as what Allan posted. I've binged in the past, I've maintained a 40 pound loss for over 10 years, I know how much I can eat. I know how I used to eat and how much I could eat when just letting myself go wild. Extreme amounts of food and weird combinations are the norm but not everyone eats in the exact same way or can take in as much calories. Not every binge is a total tornado of food, some might be more along the lines of 6 slices of bread, butter/margarine, and 2 bowls of oatmeal. Maybe add in 2 yogurts and a 3 granola bars. Eaten in 15 minutes. I'd say that's a binge as well but not quite in the same range/category as lots of fast food/fried food and stuff. It's all relative. It's really hard to label a binge and make clear specifics for it.
It's really hard (impossible?) to maintain a certain weight without overeating regularly. Overeating on the regular is really only steps away from going back to binging.
What makes you think Lyn works 8 hours a day? She doesn't have a job. Not that that's a crime or anything.
ReplyDelete